Letter to Students 14th June 2007

Dear Reader

I am sitting in my office on Thursday morning, and it is strange to be writing to you at this time.  I am usually writing while I sit with Han as he watches television, having finished dinner but still with a glass of wine beside me.  I find that wine lubricates my mind, and helps me to express myself more clearly.  Perhaps, it is just that the wine makes me think that I write more expressively, in the same way that wine makes you think that you are communicating more confidently when speaking to people.  I remember in Japan that I did my best communicating in Japanese when I was sitting in wonderful little bars with a glass of sake and sushi in front of me!  Words seemed to flow, and I would always leave feeling that my Japanese had improved.  Nervousness certainly impedes our ability to communicate, and the nerve wracking ordeal of sitting examinations is always made worse when you are uncontrollably nervous.  A good example of this is the last examination I sat for my degree in Classical Greek. That final paper was an unseen translation of Greek, and on seeing the Greek letters, I totally panicked to the point where my mind went blank and the words scrambled before my eyes.  I felt dyslexic!  I began to sweat and the rest of the examination is a total blur to me.  I failed that examination, which was the culmination of four years of hard study, and although I managed to graduate, I didn’t receive the first class honours degree which had been my aim.  I still received an honours degree, but I was such a perfectionist that I was so disappointed.  Such was my disappointment that I went to my professor, and he actually wrote a letter for me in which he stated that my second class honours was not a reflection of my usual ability.  My dream had been to join the diplomatic service and work as a diplomat overseas.  With a mask of confidence, I managed to convince the powers that be that I would represent New Zealand well, and I was selected for the diplomatic corps after finishing university.  The fact that I was an idealist, however, meant that I turned down the position as I hated the prime minister of New Zealand at that time, and refused to be a mouthpiece for such an odious man!  Sometimes, when I lived in different countries and met people from diplomatic circles, I regretted not achieving my dream as I felt I would have been a good representative of the country as I so love communicating with people from other countries. I felt I had an empathy for the people of the country, and a desire to learn their language, unlike many of the diplomats who insisted on communicating only through English.  I would have given my right arm to be paid to study another language. 

With hindsight, I have no regrets, and I made all my decisions in good faith.  If I had joined the diplomatic service, I wouldn’t have become a teacher, and I wouldn’t have met you!  I would no doubt be still living abroad, and I wouldn’t have the same wonderful family I have now!  No regrets at all.  We say you shouldn’t cry over spilt milk, and I don’t think I spilt too much! 

We like to think we learn from our mistakes and I would like to say that I am now less hard on myself, but I don’t think I am!  The other week, I conducted a professional workshop in which 99% of the feedback was great.  However, I anguished over the one person who didn’t appreciate the effort my colleague and I had gone to.  How pathetic is that?  I am so good at giving advice and telling everyone to do as I say, and luckily they don’t follow what I do!  Do as I say, not as I do!

In our culture, as in many other cultures, it is not appropriate to blow your own trumpet, and I hope I didn’t come across as arrogant in saying I was an honours student.  I certainly don’t see myself as anything special, and my only real attribute is that I work extremely hard.  Most people are more intelligent than I am, but I know that I put in the hard yards to succeed.  Yesterday, I was doing a language assessment of some foreign doctors at the Dunedin hospital, and when I gave my name to one of the consultants he replied, “Oh, the famous language expert!”  I was quite taken aback, but quietly proud because I have inwardly lacked confidence in myself for many years.  Only since having my own school do I feel that I have become truly confident within myself, and then I still have days when I crack! My father was a man who worked so hard all his life, and only in his dying years did he feel confident within himself.  I am pleased it hasn’t taken me so long, but it hasn’t been easy to find that confidence.  There is also a fine line between appearing confident, and appearing arrogant, and I would hate anyone to think me arrogant.  It is so hard to know how we come across to others.  How do you think I come across, and more importantly, how do you think you come across to others? When one comes into another culture, particularly when you have to speak another language, you often come across differently.  My Japanese friends used to say I seemed different when I spoke Japanese, but I can’t see the difference.  I know that when I lived in Sweden, and stayed with a former student whom I had taught in London, I came face to face with what it was like to be learning another language and trying to communicate.  My student began to teach me Swedish, but gave up very quickly as she said that I appeared stupid when I spoke Swedish so badly.  It was only my first lesson, but she couldn’t cope with the fact that her teacher was suddenly unable to communicate.  It taught me a valuable lesson about not judging a person’s intelligence by their ability or inability to speak a second language. 

Life is never easy, and it is made all the more difficult when you are trying to cope in another culture, with another language.  There is the initial honeymoon period when you arrive in a new country, and those days of excitement are truly euphoric.  There then is a blue phase where culture shock hits, and you wonder why you ever made the decision to uproot yourself from everything you knew and loved.  Gradually, normality sets in and friends are made and relationships established which enable you to enjoy your new environment.  What stage are you at, do you think?  I was very odd that I never suffered from culture shock in the different countries in which I lived. Egypt and Japan gave me only excitement, joy and a sense of challenge, although it was naturally not all plain sailing, as life never is!  Living in England and Scotland was probably more difficult, especially in London where I found some of the English very negative.  In Egypt, I loved the positive nature of the people, even though many lived in abject poverty.  When travelling in Thailand, I was struck by that same positive energy.  So often in New Zealand, poverty brings that appearance of hopelessness and results in dysfunctional families, but this does not seem to be the case in countries like Thailand.  There is an acceptance of their lots, and a willingness to make the most of the situation.  Meals are still cooked with care and eaten with the family, be they eaten with family members squatting on the street.  We have a lot to learn about the value of family, and the need to value what we have.  In New Zealand, so often we take all that we have for granted, and this is especially so of our young.  Today, Han and I were really angry with our fourteen year old son who has been dragging the chain when it comes to keeping his room tidy and doing his homework.  I know that many would excuse him and say he is just a typical teenager, but we won’t buy that argument.  He needs to pull his weight, and be an active member of our family.  As Han says, there are no free rides in this life, and our son needs to learn that lesson now so that he will develop into a productive member of society.  We can’t stand free loaders, bludgers who sponge off the state, and other people.  Do you have dole bludgers in your country?  I don’t know why we should have to work our guts out for others who won’t even lift a finger to help themselves! Don’t get me started on users as there will be no end to it!! 

It is now time to make the morning tea, which is very different from ending my letter by saying that it is time to snuggle up with Han in bed at the end of a busy day.  My day has only just begun, and I look forward to making the most of it.  I hope that you make the most of each precious day, and I trust that life is treating you well.  Remember that life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react to what happens to you!

Love

Sharron