Letter to Students 14th January 2008

Dear Reader

I love this time of night when the house is quiet, and I reflect on the special weekend we have had with the family.  This past weekend was no exception with Suny and Nathan coming down with Indi as they were bringing Shahan back after she had looked after Indi for a week while Suny worked at her real estate agency job. With so many working mothers, it is so important to have good childcare facilities, and although Suny was able to find good childcare for eighteen month Indi about three months ago, the childcare centre is on holiday till late January.  We have stepped in to fill in the gap, and Suny has reluctantly agreed for us to have Indi for the following week.  As Suny said, she knew that Indi would have a whale of a time, but it was Suny herself who wondered if she would cope without her “Mini-me.” I vividly remember the first time I left Suny with my mother when I received a scholarship to study in Japan for seven weeks.  I knew that it was important for my career to spend the seven weeks studying Japanese in an intensive immersion course, but I hated the thought of leaving my two year old Suny in Dunedin.  The day I left for Japan was the day of my great aunt’s funeral, and I remember I bought Suny a special doll which I gave her just before I walked out the door.  I felt so guilty I thought my heart was going to break, and that drive to the airport seemed to take forever.  I remember crying buckets of tears for much of the journey over to Japan. When I look at Indi, I see that same little girl I brought up in Japan and in Dunedin, but I know that Suny is a much better mother than I was.  Suny is much better at giving a consistent message to Indi, and therefore she is much better behaved.  When I met Han, he was amazed that I still slept with my five year old daughter, and that she was very much the centre of my world.  When Han and I got together, he was of the opinion that husband and wife were the hub of the relationship, and our children were the spokes in the wheel. A strong hub, where consistent messages were sent out to the children, ensured that the family unit turned in harmony.  This was new to me, as I had not only my daughter, but my parents in my hub, and removing the three of them from the hub was a real struggle.  However, I have not begun this letter to present a psychological breakdown of my family’s trials and tribulations.  To the contrary, I have so loved this past weekend, and have been hugely rewarded for all the hard work Han and I have put into our family.  The weekend began brilliantly when I arrived home to find Han rushing around in the kitchen, and surprised I had arrived home at the time I said I would be home.  He told me to close my eyes, and apologised as he had hoped to have the secret project totally ready for my arrival.  With a bottle of wine in hand, he then guided me down the driveway and across to the lawn on which we now have the sun dial.  It was only at that time was I to open my eyes, and read the card he had written.  It talked about a belated 16^th wedding anniversary present, and when I looked across the sun dial, my eyes moistened as I beheld a newly created garden, filled with red and white roses, the same flowers our children had given us on our wedding day.  Han, too, had tears in his eyes, and we hugged intensely.  Two glasses awaited us on the verandah of the cottage, and having filled them with champagne, we sat there for a long time, talking about our time together.  It hasn’t been a smooth road, by any means of the imagination, but it has all been worth it.  “No pain, no gain,” as they say!!

I am actually writing this in bed while Han watches a British drama on television. It is about a woman who was kidnapped, and over the years lost her real identity.  I find such stories disturbing, and I am feeling too contented to be made upset by a television programme!  What is your favourite kind of television programme?  I love documentaries, as I love continuing to learn about other countries, other cultures, and politics.  Don’t I sound a geek, a real nerd? It is actually because I don’t have time to read that I enjoy learning when I feel like taking a break.  Unfortunately, I don’t seem to have much free time, nor have I ever had much.  This morning, I really could have done with a bit of a lie in, but I awoke early to check on Indi, and she was quietly rocking in her portacot, her favourite stuffed toys on her knee.  When I was a baby, I used to rock backwards and forwards, and although it is also a sign of autism, I like to think that my rocking was just a form of relaxation.  I still love to rock, although I try to be discreet about where I do it!  The children get embarrassed if they see me rocking when I am driving, and I am sure it must look a trifle odd, to say the least!   When I was a baby, I managed to break  the springs on two so called indestructible chairs, and broke the welding on two of our steel kitchen chairs through my incessant rocking.  I must admit that I feel sorry that I don’t have time in the evening to sit in a quiet space, put on some music and rock as I used to do.  I would read at the same time, and although the page was open, my mind often drifted off to other lands. I used to have wonderful day dreams, and I always felt refreshed afterwards.  I like to see it as a form of meditation, and I never had nightmares if I rocked.  From an early age, I was plagued with nightmares, and they have not abated in the least.  In the past week, I have awoken convinced that the bedroom was flooded, and I could actually feel the wet carpet, well in my head at least!  Last night, I dreamt that the ceiling had caught fire, and I was so relieved when I awoke and I was delighted I was wrong, yet again! Do you ever have nightmares?  As with some people, do you believe that dreams tell us anything?  I went to see a psychologist about my dreams when I had all seven children living at home.  I used to dream that I had forgotten to feed some kittens and had to navigate a wooden floor which had had most of its floorboards removed.  I never reached the kittens, and would wake in such a sweat.  Waking so exhausted, Han suggested I see someone, and this psychologist interpreted my dream as being the fact that I never took enough time for myself.  Tell me something I didn’t know!!

Anyway, I realise that this whole letter has been about me, and how boring is that?  I sound so egotistical, and I could delete this all and begin again, focusing on the current affairs of New Zealand, and in particular the passing of our national icon, Sir Edmund Hillary.  He really was amazing, although he said he was an ordinary person who did extraordinary things through sufficient motivation.  We actually have a quote of his on our calendar in the office for this month of January, and I must write it down for you when I get into school tomorrow, if I remember.  However, given that I have just had to give Indi a cuddle as she seemed to wake up with a bad dream, just as I was writing about bad dreams, I fear I will be going to bed very late, and may not be functioning at 100% efficiency in the morning.

As much as the nation will mourn the loss of one of our greatest and dearest, Sir Edmund Hillary had a great innings when he died at the ripe old age of eighty eight.  The same, unfortunately, cannot be said for the twenty two year old straight A+ economics graduate who was cut down in her prime when her ex boyfriend stabbed her in her family home in Dunedin last week.  She had the world at her feet, having landed a “plum” job, as they stated in the newspaper, with the Treasury in Wellington. Instead of farewelling her at the airport, the bereft family will say their final goodbyes at her funeral. How can anyone take the life of another, especially a precious flower like Sophie Elliot?  Suny remembered that Sophie had gone to primary school with her, and this made me think all the more about my own children, and how fickle this life is.  We really do have to live each day, and never take our family for granted.  So many families are torn apart by conflict, and it is such a waste of energy.

On Saturday, we visited our close friends who live in BroadBay so that Han could dig out some big flaxes they didn’t want, and we quenched our thirst with a nice cup of tea and a chat.  The weather was superb and we sat outside enjoying each other’s company, a pastime I love!  We actually went back round there in the evening, and neighbours, whom I hadn’t met, picked us up so we didn’t need to drive the short distance round the bays.  However, these neighbours were on for a big chat, and as the evening wore on, I could feel that incredible wave of tiredness wash over me.  Our hosts also looked tired, but we politely waited till our newly made friends were ready to hit the road.  I am usually a night owl, but recently, I have enjoyed going to bed about eleven o’clock as I naturally wake up about four in the morning.  How crazy is that?  Menopause has a lot to answer for!!  I know most cultures don’t talk about this stage in a woman’s life, but I would like to begin a movement which draws attention to this significant stage of a woman’s life.  It affects all women, and I am sure that if men were afflicted with this life changing condition, there would be more sympathy for and understanding of this hormonally challenging phenomenon!

On that note, having returned to talk of me, I will end as I began, focused on me.  What a self centred individual I must appear!!  I just seemed to gloss over Hillary’s death, although it truly has affected me profoundly.  I have read everything in both Saturday and Sunday’s newspapers, and wholeheartedly agree that he was the archetypal Kiwi, the perfect role model and an inspiration to us all.  Who is a similar role model in your country?  I will find a good article on Sir Edmund Hillary and share it with you.  Hillary will have a state funeral and will lie in state so that the public can go and see him before he is buried.  It is a magnanimous gesture on the part of the family, but I am sure that they realise how important he has been to the nation’s identity.

I will close, having at least partly redeemed myself by talking about someone other than myself.  You don’t really think I am self centred, do you?  Now I am worried!  No, I am not, but I am overly tired and starting to talk rubbish!

I just remembered, when I saw the little inflatable tyre that we had around Indi in the spa, that we had a wonderful spa together.  I was in seventh heaven as I played with her, and what better place is there to be!  Wishing that you find this place too!

Love

Sharron