Letter to Students 07 February 2008

Dear Reader

I have broken with my Sunday ritual of writing to you, as the past few weeks I seem to have chosen an evening mid week in which to write my thoughts.  I hope you don’t mind, but it seems that my Sundays have been taken up with other things, and the writing has been put on the back burner, be it momentarily.  Usually, when things are put on the back burner, we let things simmer which are too difficult to handle at the time, but my delay in writing is not because it is too difficult, but because I don’t have enough time in the evening.  Apparently, leaving things on the back burner is a good idea, because if you liken it to a good stew, allowing time for flavours to blend into each other, always results in a hearty, satisfying meal.  There is nothing better than a stew which has spent time on the stove, unrushed and full of flavour.  I love putting different flavours together, and since my teenage years, I have experimented with different ingredients to produce dishes with predominantly strong flavours.  It is often said that we are strongly influenced by our families, and of course this is true.  My parents created a very loving environment for me and my sister when we were very young children, but the wheels fell off our charmed life when I hit my teens.  Suddenly, I was thrown into the adult role, and it was a case of sink or swim.  As in so many cases when you are thrown in the deep end, I swam, and I feel blessed that I had the strength to do so. Very quickly, the meals I learnt to make at school were being made at night for our dinners, and I quickly adjusted to cooking the meals and helping to clean the house.  I can remember thinking that the year stretched on forever, and I wondered if it would ever end.  In those days, you never confided in your teacher or counselor, but kept all your thoughts to yourself.  Only my father knew what I was going through, and he had his own cross to bear with an ill wife.  Out of adversity, one becomes stronger, and I believe this experience stood me in good stead for what life had in store for me.

Our sixteen year old daughter, Shahan, has just come in from working at the Portobello Hotel, and I admire her confidence and poise.  I remember appearing outwardly confident, but I always worried internally.  I was a real worry wart, and I inherited this unfortunate trait from my father.  He also suffered the same inferiority complex as I had, and it was only in his final years that he finally realized that he was an extremely attractive man.  It was only after meeting Han, and following my dream of setting up my own school, did I really feel inwardly confident.  Do you feel inwardly confident?  From an early age, I had an inner urge to travel, and this desire propelled me to apply for a scholarship to spend a year in the United States.  However, I had to really overcome a lot of inner insecurities to project a confident exterior so that I could secure the scholarship.

Where has all this internal musing come from? Perhaps, it is because I am reading the book called ‘Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, and it is all small stuff,” by Richard Carlson, and therefore I am feeling a little introspective.

However, I am not feeling negative as there is so much to feel positive about.  The youngest children, Shahan and Jan, have begun their year at high school very positively, and Han is taking a trip down memory lane as he works as a school counselor again, after twenty years out of the high school system. The director of an alternative school for juvenile delinquents for many years, he built up a reputation for empowering students to turn over a new leaf, and become responsible citizens.  So often, former students come up to Han and tell them of their success.  What better job is there in the world?  Our society depends on our youth being healthy mentally and physically, and we need good people who are able to enhance the skills of our youth. 

Tonight, I cooked a big dinner and we sat around the table, talking for a couple of hours.  The main talk was of evolution, and our fourteen year old son led the discussion when he brought up the topic of monkeys being the ancestors of humans.  I am not an expert in the area of evolution, far from it, but my understanding was that although monkeys are closely linked to us through DNA, we evolved as a separate species.  Now I have to admit that I hear snippets of information, and thread a story which seems to make sense, so when there is a discussion, I throw in my penny’s worth, but then sit back and listen.  Listening is such an important skill, and I seem to be getting better as I get older!  Han used to say that I would only listen to half the sentence, and then fill in the rest.  I haven’t heard him criticize me of late, so I hope this means that I am listening more attentively!

What is your view on evolution?  With technology developing at such a frenetic pace, it is certainly changing the way humans act, and the actual physical shape of many humans.  Many humans are becoming lazier, more obese, more slovenly, and hence less healthy.  Although science is allowing humans to live longer, the quality of life is decreasing as dementia often robs the elderly of the ability to live fulfilling lives.  As the death of super star Heath Legend has shown, taking prescription drugs has become a way of life for so many that their reality is intrinsically linked to the ingestion of artificial drugs.  Are there natural drugs, I am thinking?

Our Timorese son has just come to me asking the meaning of two words that he has not come across before.  The word “phlegmatic” is not a common word but I had heard of it before.  It means that you are calm and not easily excited or worried, although one dictionary described it as being cold.  However, the word “choleric,” was a word I hadn’t heard of before.  If you are choleric, you become angry easily, and I know of a few people who could be called choleric! When I said the word to Karina, she immediately said that it meant bad tempered as it has the same meaning in Spanish.  I love language!!

Did you see the solar eclipse tonight? I had heard that the moon was going to partially eclipse the sun, but when I looked at the sun at the designated time of 5:40 this evening, I was blinded by the rays of the sun and saw nothing! Apparently, in twenty years time, there will be a total eclipse of the sun which will be clearly seen in Dunedin.  Where do you think you will be in twenty years?  In twenty years, God willing, I will have “protired,” and will be living seven months in Dunedin, and five months in Japan. I want to live in a world without a cold winter, and if I am able to do so, I will be on cloud nine!

Han has just come to bed and taken my glasses so I am typing blind.  I so prided myself on my excellent vision until I turned fifty, and then my eyesight suddenly failed me.  I used to read as I rocked to music, but now I can only read with glasses, much to my chagrin!  I find the aging process challenging, but I know I am much luckier than many.  I manage to do everything a younger person can do.  I like to think it is only the wrinkles on my face that betray the fact that I have lived a life that is longer than those younger than I!

It is now time to go to bed, but I still have so much to tell you. If I have time, I will finish this letter tomorrow morning.

…It is now Friday morning, but I had to get up and make food for the potluck lunch today, so I don’t have time to write any more to you. However, I will get into my weekly ritual of writing on Sundays, and write to you again very soon!  Have a wonderful weekend, and remember that there is a big Saturday market being held in the Octagon which should be fun.  I may see you there!

Before I close, I will share with you some of the email I received from my twenty two year old daughter who lives in Hawea.  She and her partner have just built a house, and although they have it on the market as building costs escalated beyond their control, they are still enjoying being there for now.

“ It was nice to be able to fluff around the house- it is such a pleasurable home to fluff in with Midgey running rampant with prams, buzzy bee and now Dusty the cat (although Dusty is still a scarce presence). Nath came home for lunch and I had the home smelling of homebaking by the time Nath got home after work. (I made a rhubarb and strawberry pie for the BBQ and a banana cake for us) and even took it around in the cane basket (hehe). It was such a pleasant night, and it’s the first time that we have been able to sit around with friends and with no breeze. The water and mountains were unreal, especially in the dusky light. Indi of course had the boys wrapped around her squidgy finger, and was a trooper to the end of the day and of the evening. Her rabbit-like glassy eyed awareness belied the tired croak in her throat, and got to the point where awake and sleep gets fused into a blur of shadowy shapes and light.”

I love all my children, and enjoy the contact I have with them, be it through email, the phone or in person.  Suny and I used to exchange letters when she was in Japan, and I loved reading her thoughts. Her emails don’t have the accuracy of punctuation her letters have, but you get the drift I am sure!  I think she has a very good way with words.

I look forward to reading your words!

Love

Sharron