Letter to Students 25 May 2008

Dear Reader

Dreams do come true. The orange hue of the sun streaming  over the fluffy white pillows of clouds heralded the beginning of Han's and my holiday as we flew towards Auckland. Flying above the clouds, we escaped the rain which fell all over the country today.  As I sit in my aeroplane seat, I feel I have to pinch myself that this day has actually come.  When we agreed to go to our second son's wedding in Colchester last year, I really wondered if we could make the strong wish a reality. There were so many factors to consider, the biggest two being family and school. This past week has seen every day begin with a long list in my diary, but by lunchtime today, the tasks were all ticked. The only thing sacrifised has been sleep, but that is nothing new for me. So often do I wake in the small hours with my mind in a whirl of thoughts.  Sometimes, I get up and go for a walk, a couple of times my legs taking me down to the harbour to look across at Pudding Island, and contemplate life. I am so very blessed, although sometimes there are imaginary black holes which threaten to suck me in.  Do you ever experience them? I believe it is a sign of the change I am going through as I enter the next phase in my life, where the children have found or are finding their independence, and we see our heaven through their presence and the line of our grandchildren.        

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Sitting beside Han on our flight to Tokyo, where we transfer to Oosaka, I am accutely aware of the privilege we have in being able to make this special journey.  Last night, having checked into our hotel in Auckland, we had a quiet drink in the bar before sitting down to what was a surprisingly beautiful meal.  I wasn't expecting such service at a moderately priced hotel, but everything was faultless, except the water.  When I asked for lemon to disguise the terrible taste of what apparently was filtered water, I commented to the waitress that I wasn't fussy just for the sake of it.  I hate people who have to find fault with everything.  In fact, Han has discouraged me from criticising a bad meal if we go out, saying that we have gone out for a good time, and we should make the most of the occasion. I do find it hard to be so magnanimous if the food is bad, but last night I was not expecting a great meal, and was blown away when it was.  As my gorgeous daughter, Shahan, often reminds me, "Happiness is related to our level of expectation."  (We have just avoided a big cumulus, so Han has told me, as he is the reporter on the scenery.  He loves looking out of the plane, as I do, and there is nothing more amazing than observing our awesome Earth from way up here!)

As we dined, we talked about our lives and our expectations.  Our marriage has not all been a bed of roses, but we have continued to work at it, and it is good to now celebrate all the hard work which has gone in to creating our big blended, extended family.  I feel very honoured, and very chosen, that Han and his four children came into my life.  It seemed remarkably natural at the time, but blending two very different families naturally came at a price. It was worth every penny.

As I said earlier, I live on very little sleep, and last night was no exception.  Han took advantage of the fact we could watch Sky TV, and we both enjoyed watching the Black Caps play the English in an exciting cricket match. It was blowing a gale in England, and I wondered if my hastily packed clothes would be warm enough!  Forever the optimist, I predicted hot weather, so packed light clothes, and few of them! I am the true minimalist at times, but I may regret it as I love my clothes. If the weather proves cool, the clothing I am now wearing will be well worn by the time we return in a month!

I wonder what everyone is doing at this time, 2:20pm on Monday.  We phoned the children last night, and this morning, and Shahan had organised dinner and breakfast.  Shahan proudly said that they had sat around the table for both dinner and breakfast, having threatened to eat every meal in front of television! Although I am away, I still insist on keeping the same standards! I know it is a big ask of seventeen year old Shahan to mind the fort with Jan and Abilio, but I have total faith in them. Our Timorese sponsored son, Abilio, was dreading our leaving, and I reminded him that he had survived the marauding gangs and machete attacks in Dili, East Timor!

Kyoto, our destination after a long flight today, will be the realisation of a childhood longing for Han, and the fulfillment of another dream of mine to return to a spiritual place which is dear to my heart.  Having said that, it is over twenty years since I made my last of five visits to this cultural capital of Japan, and there could be a sense of trepidation if I gave myself permission to think about it.  I know the old railway station has been replaced, and I am wondering how easily I will find my way around. However, I love challenges, and because our original direct flight to Oosaka was cancelled and we have to transit in Tokyo, we will arrive in Kyoto late.  Not wanting to waste a single day, I am determined to reach or Japanese inn tonight!  The power of positive thought will prevail!

Long distance flights are tedious for some, but I love them.  The reason for this is that it is the only time when I am not responsible for anything, and can do nothing but live in the present moment. Relinquishing such responsibility is awesome!

Never do I usually have time to watch movies, and I have just watched two excellent movies called Atonement and The Bucket Wish.  I highly recommend both of them.  I started watching the New Zealand movie, An Angel at my Table by Janet Frame, but it was so sad that it threatened to deflate my buoyant mood.

Han now wants to use the computer, so I will hand it over to him. My fingernails are far too long, and Han has warned me that I mustn't scrape off the letters on the keys as I have done with my laptop in the office!  This wee laptop which I bought in Dunedin is tiny, and has been dubbed "Sharron's folly," as I should have waited and bought one with more features. Never mind.  I don't impulse buy badly often. In fact, the only other time I can remember buying frivolously and regretting it was when I bought a gaudy candelabra that should have been in a horror movie.  I don't know where my head was that day! It met an appropriate ignominious end at Han's hands when he threw it under our old hedge to die!

This letter is going to be a self indulgence, as it always is, of my musings as Han and I travel.  We are now two hours out of Tokyo, and Han is trying to have a snooze since he is finding this particular leg of the journey hard.  Han really hates leaving our paradise, and in particular the children and grandchildren.  That is not to say that I do not, but I also enjoy the travelling, the time when we become absorbed into another culture, which either accepts us or it does not.  I have, thankfully, felt embraced by the cultures I have visited, and I have learnt a lot from them.   I see the travelling, the long journeys, as a time for reflection, a kind of retreat where I am able to step back and evaluate my life.  Watching P.S.I love you, the movie about an Irish husband who died but continued to contact his wife through letters, made me further think of my relationship with Han, and the importance of sharing life with a mate. The fact that the contact with the wife was made through letters was particularly poignant for me as letters mean so much to me. That theme also ran through The Bucket List, a wish list written before one "kicks the bucket," before one leaves this life to God knows where! I think it is important to make a wish  list which serves as a positive guide in the same way as creative visualisation does.

We have just flown over Mount Fuji,and I have never seen it from the air.  Although the sun coated the fluffy clouds with a mandarin hue, there was a greyness shrouding the majestic peak whose mantle was streaked with snow. I made a wish for us all.

I am determined to live each precious moment of this trip, and when I heard a Kiwi passenger complaining over a trivial matter, I thought what a sad life he must be leading.  In the Bucket List, which had many excellent one liners, I remember the part when talk turned to the moment after you die.  When you reach the pearly gates, you will be asked if you have felt joy, and whether you have given joy.  How can you be joyful without including others?

In accordance with living for each day, I am not going to “forward worry,” as is so easy for all of us to do. I know when we arrive at Kansai airport that we have to catch a train, having exchanged our vouchers for Japan Rail Passes, to Kyoto, and then catch a taxi.  Our phone does not work here, and I rashly gave the phone I bought in Japan away, silly me! You can imagine how the worst scenario could play out in your mind, but I assure you that I am not going there!

This is the first holiday on which I have not taken a camera, and it will be hard for me as I love taking photographs. However, my camera is faulty, and I want to save up for a good one. I shouldn't be so precious, and should use the cheap camera I bought in the Philippines last year but to tell the truth, I was only reminded of it now, and that was a useless thought! 

Life can often seem to be a series of coincidences, or is it something more ordered?  Moto, a former Japanese student of mine, came back for a three day visit after having been taught by me eleven years ago. I invited him to join one of our classes at school, and he really enjoyed himself.  I love the way other students embrace a newcomer, and Moto loved going to the annual Regent Theatre book sale which raises money for the upkeep of this historic building. When the children came out to the airport to say goodbye, there was Moto waiting or the same plane with his host family!

30th May

Now for a much bigger coincidence, and one which assures me that the world is wonderfully small!  I am now sitting on a Virgin Air plane which is winging its way to London. Our flight attendant reminds us of Jo, our daughter in law after she marries our son Marcus at the Swan Hotel in Laversham next Friday. Being the open person I am, I made a comment of this likeness to the flight attendant, and this drew a wonderfully excited response.  It turns out that Jade lives ten minutes outside Colcheter, which is Jo and Marcus's home, and actually works at the hotel where the wedding will be held.  How amazing is that? Han and I had earlier commented that we hoped the people would be as nice as Jo, as so many English people we meet tend to be negatively focused.  It is so reassuring to meet such a positive person before our arrival. Naturally, we will be spending most of our time with Jo's family, and we are sure that will be wonderful.  We will meet up with our oldest son Scott, and partner Anna, once we reach Colchester, and may even see them at Heathrow as we arrive one hour after them.  They are being picked up by Marcus, but we will get a taxi which will take us the two hours to Colchester as unfortunately, there is not enough room in Marcus's car. The flight attendant just said that she would like to have been able to offer us a ride, but her car is too small.  It would have saved us the three hundred dollar fare, but I am uncharacteristically not counting our pennies.  Usually frugal, I am making the most of each day and not worrying about how much we spend. If I worried, it would ruin this special trip. The highlights will be many, of that I am sure. It will be a great reunion when we meet tonight in Colchester!  Anna hasn't been abroad before, and neither Han nor Scott has been to England. I trained to be an English teacher at English House in Piccadilly, London, and it is one place I would love to go back and see.  Walking down memory lane can be interesting, although sometimes it evokes a mixture of memories. Yesterday, on a rainy grey day, I took Han to Shinjuku where I used to spend a lot of time when I lived in Tokyo.  Han was dying for a coffee, and we exited on the East side, and I was amazed that it hadn't changed at all.  We entered a narrow building, and sat looking out at the people as they waited at the pedestrian crossing as Han sipped his black coffee and I dipped into my iced "macha" (green tea), sweet adzuki beans with a dollop of ice cream. The only sweets I really like are traditional Japanese sweets, and I love the texture and taste of all Japanese food.

I feel that I am racing to get down all my thought, having carried them in my head for the past four days. So often have I just wanted to stop, collect my thoughts and write them down, but I couldn't break the flow of the wonderful experiences I was having.

I felt awash with so many emotions, and all my senses were heightened to the point where tears flowed easily. Tears can be such a great sign of a realisation of a dream, the fulfillment of a goal that one has reached.

I will close now, having realized that the next hours of writing have been erased as I forget to save it!  It is now flowing round in the ether between Tokyo and London, never to be read by anyone!  I told you all about my impressions of Japan, and I must gather up the patience, and be in the right space to tell you again.  I hope you are happy and enjoying life as much as I am.  Don’t sweat the small stuff, but make the most of each precious day.

Love

Sharron