Letter to Students 24 November 2008

Dear Reader

I have just returned home from having had a most glorious walk around Portobello with my husband, Han, and fifteen year old son, Jan.  I love nights like tonight, when the harbour is as still as a millpond, we sit outside on the deck under our umbrella having dinner, and watch the yellow glow of the setting sun spread over and through the leaves on the trees.  Auckland is being battered by storms, and I feel parochially smug as I compare our fabulous weather with theirs. Did you know about the rivalry between the North and the South Island, and our desire to cut the electricity connection between the mainland and our northern cousins?  The Jaffas sound so arrogant when they talk about their southern cousins, and look down their noses at us southerners.  Do you have such divisions between the north and south in your country?  Naturally, if another nation attacked us, we would close in ranks with all the fierce patriotism we could muster. 

Wasn’t it an amazing weekend?  I love these balmy days where we can eat outside, and spend time under umbrellas in the garden.  On Sunday, the first Farmers’ market opened in Portobello.  Although there were only a few stalls, it was a wonderful meeting place for the local community, and I met a lot of locals whom I usually only see at Christmas.  I bought some delicious fresh sole which had been loaded off the boats at Otakau, just ten minutes down the OtagoPeninsula, and some fresh asparagus which I love.  All day, we were looking forward to going to our oldest son’s home for dinner as we had helped Scott and his partner, Anna, move in to this cute cottage overlooking Brighton beach.   When we had left their home, it was brim full of boxes and furniture, but when we arrived at the home on Sunday, everything was in order.  We sat out on their big deck where we were served a fabulous dinner which Scott had cooked.  He is a chef and takes such pride in all he cooks.  I don’t usually like sweets, but he made a beautifully balanced chili chocolate desert which I liked for its unusual blend of sweet and hot.  Do you have a sweet tooth? I prefer savoury food to sweets, and we usually have fruit after our main course at dinner time.  However, as a child, my father used to say that dinner was not completed till you had your pudding, and we always had something sweet to finish off the evening meal, whether it be a baked pudding or jelly with icecream.  I love such evenings when we sit around with family and spend a long time talking over a wonderful dinner.  There is a movement, initiated in Italy, which focuses on eating slowly.  I find it rather strange that there is a movement for this, as it is something I just take for granted, but it is an important thing for people to be aware of.  Do you take time over your meals with your family and friends?  I make sure that all meals we have are eaten at the table with a candle lit.  I vividly remember when I was twenty years old and travelling around the United States with a friend that we spent a memorable evening with an old lady who had been widowed and lived alone.  Although her name was Margaret, everyone called her Sunny as she had such a bright personality.  When we had dinner together, she told us that she always set the table for herself with a glass of wine, and lit the candle.  She dressed beautifully, and wore her fair hair in a neat bun at the nape of her neck.  From that day, I made a promise to myself that I would take a leaf out of her book, and adopt the same rituals when I had a family.  I have been true to this promise, and it is now part of my every day life.  I light a candle for every meal I eat at the table, even breakfast. 

On Saturday night, after a leisurely meal outside with our second daughter and grandchildren, we went for a walk around the village before Nicky returned home with her two year old daughter Ella and five month old son, Jade.  Han pushed Ella in the same pram I had used for my twenty three year old daughter, Suny, who now has her own two children.  That pram had travelled with me all round the world, and so many memories are carried within its frame! Han felt tired after a day in the garden, and headed off to bed when the rugby league World Cup began, having bet me that Australia, the favourite team, would retain the World Cup.  Jan and I were both sure that the Kiwis would win, and we loved watching the underdogs take on the best in the world.  It was like watching David and Goliath!  Rugby league is not as popular as our national sport, rugby union, but it is still a very good game to watch. I couldn’t believe how rude the Australian crowd was when they all left the stadium before the presenting of the cup.  What bad sports they are!

Half way through the league game, I actually went off to bed to sleep as I was feeling very tired, but was awoken while I was in the middle of a nightmare. Being woken from such a bad dream is very disturbing, and when I heard it was a call from Telecom asking if I would accept my seventeen year old daughter’s call, I panicked.  For some reason, the call was cut, and I only calmed down after managing to get in touch with Shahan, and finding out that the late bus had not arrived as scheduled.  Shahan is a responsible girl, and rang a friend whose mother came to pick her up immediately.  It is at times like this that Portobello is far too far away as it takes twenty minutes, at least, to reach town.  I was wide awake after this harrowing phone call, and I stayed up and watched the ending of what turned out to be a thrilling game of rugby. Our kiwi team was certainly the underdogs, but they played their hearts out, and in the end, won because of their incredible belief in themselves and their burning desire to win. The Aussies thought they had it in the bag, and took it for granted that their name would be engraved on the cup.  How wrong they were, and it was a good reminder that one should never take anything for granted.  Success has as much to do with mental attitude as it has to do with raw ability.

As I write, we are watching television, and there is a police story on the murder of a Korean woman and her two children who were killed by their husband ten years ago in Australia.  There have also been some terrible stories in New Zealand of child abuse lately, but I am not going to dwell on these horrendous cases.  There is a terrible underbelly in our society which spawns dysfunctional groups of uneducated, ignorant people who bludge off society and spend their money on drugs and alcohol.  Violence is a way of life, and children are the victims of these cesspools of seething rage.  The apathy of some neighbours who witness such violence on children is also under the microscope, especially as a society which prides itself on its caring inclusiveness. Han has worked with disadvantaged families for years, and I take my hat off to all those people who try and make a difference in such marginalized communities. It is now time to go to bed, and I will try to find an article I would like to discuss with you.  It is truly food for thought.

Having children is not easy, but I wouldn’t trade being a mother for anything in the world.  I have only two precious weeks with Shahan before she heads off on her OE to China, and I want to make the most of each day.  I am very proud of her adventurous spirit, and I like to think she is a chip off the old block!  Have a fabulous week, and I thank my lucky stars for having been born into a loving family. Like all families, we had our difficult times, but I know that I was loved, and I am determined to bring up my own children with security and in the knowledge that they are truly loved.  I hope you are feeling positive, and know that you, too, are loved.

Love

Sharron