Letter to Students 08 December 2008

Dear Reader

It is Monday night, and I did not get around to writing to you on Monday, as is my ritual.  Instead, I spent Sunday night reading Newsweek, a magazine I hadn’t had time to read all year till last Sunday.  If I hadn’t been so busy, I would have happily sat in my lounge reading the latest news, and I hope that one day soon I will be able to do that regularly. However, I have no regrets about the lack of time I have for myself as I am very happy with my busy days.  How do you like to spend your free time?  After having had concussion last week, I was reminded, yet again about how fragile life is.  I don’t think I take my health for granted, but I certainly have not been very careful with where I place my feet! One false move, and our lives can be over, so it is so important to live each precious moment to the full.  Having headaches for a week, it reinforced my belief that my health has to be a top priority and not be taken for granted. 

As we come to the end of another full year, I always find myself reflecting even more on where my life is going, and where I have been.  Do you spend time in such reflection?  It is interesting how we compartmentalise our year, making the end of December the end of our year, and allowing the beginning of January be the time when we sweep the hearth clean and set a new fire for the year ahead. 

At present, we light the fire because we have had a sudden cold spell, and I love sitting in front of the Christmas tree, enjoying the warmth and comfort of the fire.  I can imagine I am in the northern hemisphere, waiting for Santa Claus to come on his reindeer.  When I was twenty years old, I returned to the United States, having spent the last year of my high school in Wisconsin.  Going back with a university friend, we travelled all around America by Greyhound bus, and crossed the entire country.  Two naïve girls hit New York in winter, and walked up Park Avenue in our snowmobile boots!  We stayed in Connecticut, in a picture perfect avenue, and I vividly remember drinking whisky eggnogs in the local supermarket.  There was a neighbourhood Christmas party on our street, and everyone gathered in a neighbour’s garage where we all shared food as the snow gently fell.  Lights twinkled in the houses, and I really felt that this was the essence of the Christmas spirit. Although brought up to experience a summer Christmas, from childhood we have read of the white Christmas, and watched Christmas television specials which show families wrapped up warmly, carrying presents in from the cold as they warm their hands in front of blazing fires.  I love such scenes, and used to dream of spending a Christmas in such a place.  My dream came true twice, having spent two Christmases in the United States.  Spending a Christmas in Japan is a depressing experience, as Christmas day is just another working day, and I found that very hard.  I believe in the saying that when in Rome, one should do as the Romans do, and so I never thought of not working on this Christian “holy day.” I believe that if you live in another culture, you should not be subservient to the host culture, but make sure that you respect the mores and live within the expectations of that culture.  I know that France has banned the wearing of scarves by Muslim girls in schools as the scarves are not part of the uniform. What are your thoughts?  I can see both sides so clearly, and I sit on the fence as is very wise sometimes.

Over the past two years, I have been in regular contact with a young man from Gaza whom I call my Palestinian son.  Tamer sent an email over two and a half years ago, (time goes so fast and the time period seems blurred,) asking if he could learn English over the web.  At first, I didn’t know if this was a genuine appeal, or just another dodgy email.  However, from the beginning, I felt an affinity with this young sixteen year old student and began writing to him, sending him my letters and replying to his.  Over the first few months, we shared stories, and by that first Christmas in our relationship, Tamer had applied for a scholarship to study in the United States.  I was amazed when he phoned me, and we were able to have a practice for his telephone interview for the Yes scholarship, and it was not long before he was accepted to study in Denver and lived with a host family.  Living in Gaza means that war is a constant bed fellow, and before Tamer was able to fulfil his dream, the Israelis threatened to rob him of his gift.  I was on tenterhooks for a couple of months until he was able to escape the rain of bullets which embedded themselves in his home and surrounding village.  It all seemed so surreal, and the day I phoned him in Gaza, I couldn’t believe that such carnage could be wreaked on a community.  During his year in the Denver, Colorado, we continued to stay in touch, and I followed his progress with enormous pride.  Returning to Gaza after an amazing year, our flow of correspondence lessened as Tamer threw himself into his final year of study.  Only on Friday did I hear that he is now in Egypt, studying medicine at the University of Alexandria. 

Such mention of Alexandria reminded me of the year I spent in Egypt, a milestone in my life as it was my first teaching position.  I was extremely fortunate to be chosen as one of twelve new teachers who were sent out to set up a new school as part of the International Language Institute, the institute at which I had trained to be an English teacher in Piccadilly, London. When Han and I were in London in June, we tried to find the London institute called English House on this famous street, but I couldn’t find it, much to my disappointment. I have such happy memories of the intense training programme which taught me so much, but perhaps it was better I didn’t return to the place which led me on my present path.  One should not return to places which hold such memories as we are so often disappointed.

Returning to the place where Han and I were married is a good example of why one should not return to the source of precious memories.  Our marriage was celebrated in our friends’ special garden at the top of Wakari, in Dunedin, and we have wonderful photos of family and friends on that special day.  The following two years we returned to the garden on our anniversary day, January 4^th, 1992, and both years we were so delighted to walk around the glorious garden which boasted over two thousand rhododendron bushes which graced beautiful banks and ponds. Although the property had been sold in the first year by our friends, the next owners were very gracious in allowing us to relive our special day.  The husband actually put flowers on the rock which had acted as our altar for the ceremony and had a delicious afternoon tea waiting for us after our memorial walk.  A very different garden greeted me when I drove into the property on the spur of the moment last month. I had heard that the garden had been sold to a Hong Kong family, and soon after, there were big gates erected to keep others out.  This kind of privacy I find difficult to stomach as it is not the New Zealand way.  When I passed the entrance on my way to visit a host family, I noticed that the gates had been removed and decided to retrace my steps of that special day.  However, the manicured lawn and paths around the rhododendrons had gone, and I felt a tear in my eye as I quickly exited the unkempt and seemingly unloved property.

Do you believe that there is a spirit which lives in a house? I do, although I can’t put my finger on why this is so. When I was looking for a house, after returning to Dunedin after living in Japan, I visited many houses and found a different feeling emanating from each house.  One house in Highgate made a shiver run down my spine as soon as I entered, and I immediately asked if the former owner had died there. The real estate agent was amazed, but confessed that the owner had indeed died in the bedroom upstairs.  I thanked her, and said that I didn’t need to look any further.  I couldn’t have lived in a house where the spirit still lived.

Having said that, I must admit that I did live in a house in Japan where the spirit appeared every afternoon.  I personally never saw this ghost, but one of our very rational English flatmates, a nurse, said that she had seen a shadow pass across the living room every afternoon.  She saw the shadow on the living room wall, and commented that she couldn’t understand why this shadow appeared to have no feet.  She had no idea that Japanese ghosts have no feet!  This spirit used to show us it was present by turning the light on in the outside tea house every evening, as we would always wake up to the light being on!  The spirit only disappeared when we had a big party, and the noise and frivolity must have scared them away!

In our own home, we had an experience with spirits from the other side when we first had our extension built.  One day, our second son said that he had seen an old lady smiling at him from the end of his bed.  She was wearing her nightgown, and although he was surprised, he wasn’t scared.  This revelation prompted our oldest daughter to say that she had also seen the woman at the end of her bed!  Another friend of the children also said that he had seen the woman at the end of his bed when he slept in the library upstairs.  Only on the completion of the extension, and the coming together of all the family into the one house, did the spirit disappear. We talked about who this spirit could have been, and decided that it was the wife of the old man from whom we had bought the section.  Old Mr Walker had bought the section with the idea of building a house for his wife, but this never eventuated.  The wife had died, and when we met Mr Walker at the time when we wanted to buy Mr Walker’s section next door to our house, he was living in a humble cottage near the polytechnic.  He shuffled to the door and was delighted to hear that we wanted to buy a family home on his property.  I am sure that he would be very pleased if he were able to see our home now.  Obviously, his wife was, as she soon stopped visiting us after all the family was living under the same roof.

……

We have just had a call from Shahan, and I am relieved to say that she sounds great.  The pre school she thought she was going to is actually a private English language school for six to ten year olds, and Shahan was thrown in the deep end on her second day in China.  The curriculum is based on a computer programme, but Shahan has to design the warmer activities for the children, something she has had no experience in doing.  I will source some material for her tomorrow and send it over. Apart from this, she is finding no culture shock but is feeling very homesick for Japan!  Although only seventeen years old, she has experienced a lot! She has her mother’s sense of adventure it seems.  A chip off the old block, one could say!  Shahan certainly doesn’t take after Han who is so contented in his own home in Portobello, his own slice of paradise.

What do you think of the weather this December, the month which heralds the beginning of summer. Han and I have delighted in the rain for the garden, but enough is enough!  I really want to enjoy the garden, especially in this special Christmas season.  What do you do at this time of year?  Jan, our fifteen year old, has really stepped up to the plate since Shahan left and is a real help in the home, making breakfast and even cleaning my fridge on Sunday!  He now has a job as a dishwasher at our daughter’s restaurant, and tonight, instead of being recalcitrant as has been a rather familiar trait during the year, Jan enjoyed preparing dinner with me, and was such a big help.  I feel very blessed.

What did you do this past weekend? On Saturday night, Han and I had been invited to our American friends’ home for dinner, and we took my mother in law with us as well.  They have a fabulous home which has been tastefully renovated, and overlooks the harbour from MacandrewBay.  We had a fascinating talk about the world economy as both Lea and Craig are well versed in economics, Lea having been in the upper echelons of banking in Chicago.  I love sitting around the table with good food and wine, sharing ideas and learning more about the world around us through the experiences of others.  I made bread which I took, and I helped Lea as she tackled a new recipe of smoked manuka salmon which was delicious. 

It is now time to go to bed, and I look forward to cuddling up with Han.  At the end of this week, we say goodbye to Amilcar and this will be the end of another era in the school.  Amilcar has been with us for two and a half years, although it may even be longer as time seems to race by without my noticing!  Amilcar has added a special quality, and we will really miss him.  We are lucky that Aaron is going to come on board full time as from February, and we look forward to welcoming him back after the birth of his baby which is due now!  Arran celebrated the birth of his baby two weeks ago, and both Arran and Aaron were expecting babies at about the same time.  I truly believe that babies come when they are ready, and they choose their special time.

Off to bed now, so I look forward to hearing from you soon!

Love

Sharron