Letter to Students 21 February 2009

Dear Reader

It is Saturday afternoon, and a light drizzle is falling outside.  A light mist hangs over the the Humboldt mountains which tower over Glenorchy where we are staying for this retreat from the city.  It feels like winter, and there is a light dusting of snow on the peaks which reminds us that winter is just around the corner, or so it seems.  The fire is lit, and the pork roast is being cooked in the oven underneath the glowing fire.  I suggested that our friend Mary Lou, the principal of the local school, buy this particular wood burner, and I now envy her this wonderful way of heating and cooking.  Han is snoring on the couch as he succumbs to the warmth of the room, and Mary Lou is reading a book in the corner.  We had always planned to come up and celebrate her birthday, and were disappointed when she rang yesterday to say that she was ill, and thought if better we stay away.  I had already packed, and was looking forward to just relaxing in this village by LakeWakatipu.  Although I can relax in my own home, I tend to find things to do, as there are always so many things to do, and coming here I am forced to live by a different drum, a much slower rhythm which recharges my batteries.  For Han, too, being at home means mowing lawns, weeding vegetable patches, and planting.  His heavy breathing in the middle of the afternoon today is a sign that, he too, needs to chill out sometimes.  I smile when I recall my father, not long before he died, and his surprise when he heard the expression “chill out,” for the first time.  He said to me that the counselor at the hospice had told him to “chill off,” and he commented that he had never heard such an expression.  I couldn’t suppress my laughter as I told him that he should indeed “chill out,” but not “chill off.”  There is no such idiom, but Dad was not to know as new idioms are created continually! 

Idioms are very difficult to learn as we have so many of them in English, and they need to be learnt in context for you to remember them.  I remember writing little stories and including an idiom which students could remember because of the context.  These stories were then read on Hills AM, the local Dunedin radio station, as part of the Korean programme. It was a lot of fun and it would be good to put such idioms in a book.  I used to work with a lot of immigrants and refugees when I worked for the Otago Polytechnic for thirteen years, and I have many happy memories of that time.  I used to do a lot of writing then, and will do again!!

Speaking of books reminds me that a friend, whom I hadn’t met for years, asked me yesterday if I was still writing.  I mulled over the question which rekindled my desire to write, and yet I feel I don’t have enough hours in a day.  Even though I could write today, I feel like reading all the gossip magazines that Mary Lou saved for us, and catching up on the news of the stars.  Do you do that?  It seems all so superficial, but I always get sucked in to reading about them!  I don’t usually have time for such trivial activities, but I love sitting in front of the fire, perusing the photos, and reading the simply written articles.

20^th February

It is now Monday morning, and I feel rested after our wonderful weekend away.  I am now in the thick of work, and yet trying to keep the calmness I felt in Glenorchy.

I am pleased that we decided to go up to celebrate our friend’s birthday, even though she had rung us early Friday morning to say that she had the flu and didn’t want to infect us as well.  However, we felt that celebrating with her would give her a much needed lift, and that there was little chance of us coming down with the flu.  It was worth the risk, as we watched Mary Lou’s spirits soar as the weekend progressed, and we laughed a lot as we played the simple game of Trains, a Canadian game a little like dominoes, but a lot more fun.  We enjoyed playing with a gin and tonic in hand, a drink we usually have when we are with our dear friend in Glenorchy.  I awoke each day feeling really relaxed, and although the weather never improved that much, we were able to go for daily walks down to the lake and around the board walk.

Han and I were “home alone” last night, as Jan was babysitting for our oldest grandchildren, and we ended up sitting watching a wonderful movie called Possession.  Have you seen it? It really gripped us both, and we went to bed happily. 

This morning, I awoke as usual at six o’clock, and got out of bed immediately as I wanted to visit my mother who is moving into a rest home tomorrow.  Han and I have to move all the big furniture out of her small flat, and I wanted to touch base with her as I know how stressed she becomes with any kind of change, even positive change as this is.  Mum was not happy in her council flat, and her desire was to be accepted into Frances Hodgkins, a beautiful rest home which is more like a hotel than an old people’s home.  Do you have rest homes in your country?  I know it would be good if children looked after their parents when they became old, but this does not happen much in this country.  We value our independence, and living with parents obviously takes away a lot of privacy which we treasure.  I would have looked after my father in his latter years, but he was too ill, and needed twenty four hour care which I could not give him.  My mother and I have had a fraught relationship since I met Han, she not thinking he was the right person for me, and it is therefore better that she lives on her own.  Living alone is what she has preferred most of her life, always saying that her dream was to live alone with her dogs.  She achieved her dream, but unfortunately it did not make her happy. What a different life she has led from me, but we all make our own decisions on how we live our lives.  What kind of person are you, and what are the most positive characteristics in a person?  For me, the positive trait is being open and honest, and I try so hard to live that way, in transparent honesty.  Han is a very direct person, and sometimes he rubs people up the wrong way with his upfront personality, but it means you always know where you stand.  I can’t stand people who lie, and talk behind your back. It is the worst of traits, followed by being selfish.  I can’t abide selfishness, although I know as a young person I was very self centred, a characteristic I hope I no longer have.  In  fights with Han, I am accused of being self centred, but I like to think that we often say things we do not mean when we fight with those we love!

I was given a book to read in the weekend, written by a friend of Mary Lou’s in Canada, and it is about “Retreating,” but meaning to “re-treat” oneself, and not to “withdraw into seclusion,” as the dictionary tells us.  As I said at the beginning of this letter, we retreated to the village, Glenorchy, for the weekend, and this retreat brought me great solace. The book which I was given focuses on looking after ourselves, treating ourselves well, and indulging in simple pleasures people all too often take for granted.  As I read the book, I realised that I do not take the simple things for granted, but give thanks for all I have daily.  I love my life, my family, friends and school life, and want for nothing.  The writer talks about the importance of touch, and I certainly give people their daily dose of hugs when I meet them.  I find it difficult when I meet some of the Saudi Arabian male students as I am not allowed to touch them, and I find this so contrary to my natural inclination. However, I respect their culture, and just bow my head to them.  I can’t imagine a life without the daily touching of others. It is not a sexual thing in any way, but it is a way of positively connecting with the other person. Do you hug others when you meet?  I know many Kiwis have the stereotypical English reserve, and they will only shake hands, if that.  Sometimes, when you meet a Kiwi, you don’t know what to do as there is an awkwardness in the meeting as our society has no set protocol as there is in some other culture like Japan.  There, the protocol is consistent, with everyone saying the same words in greeting, and bowing in a manner which everyone understands.  In the upper class society of England, people shake hands and say, “How do you do.” How much easier it is than here!

I am now away to buy a gift for my second daughter who turns thirty today!  Nicky rang to ask if she could come for dinner, and we are delighted.  I just rang her to see what she would like to eat, and she has asked for fish which is my favourite as well.  Nicky will have a huge party this coming weekend at the local Harwood Hall on the OtagoPeninsula, but it is wonderful that we are continuing the nineteen year old tradition of having the birthday dinner at our home.

Have a great week, and don’t let the gloomy, wet weather get you down.  Remember that the fires of Australia still burn devastatingly, and in New Zealand, the water tanks are all full for those who do not have town supply, like the water tank of our daughter who is celebrating her birthday today. She rejoices in full water tanks as it means they don’t have to buy water.  We must never take our abundance of water for granted.  We must never take anything for granted!!

Love

Sharron