Letter to Students 01 March 2009

Dear Reader

“A pinch and a punch for the first of the month. No returns!” This was the message that was written by Shahan and waiting for Han on his phone this morning.  We always try to remember to say this on the first of each month, and Shahan is particularly good at remembering. I have always been superstitious, having been brought up by a mother who followed many superstitions, so having special sayings at the beginning of each month for good luck is important!

It is wonderful that now, after three months in a foreign land, Shahan is truly beginning to enjoy each day without having to squeeze precious moments out of what seems a “mundane, even boring,” existence.  I said to her, when she commented that there seemed to be such a sameness about her days, that she was forgetting how challenging each day was in its difference to her life here.  Shahan left Dunedin three weeks before our most important celebration of the year, Christmas, and we were lucky that we were able to gather all the family around our lounge to decorate the tree and to say farewell to Shahan with a big dinner.

Earlier this evening, it now being eleven o’clock at night, I was watching a television programme called White Girl, a compelling story about an eleven year old English girl who had been brought up in a bland, treeless, sprawling housing estate in one of Britain’s poorest areas.  The mother was an alcoholic, illiterate woman who did not know who the father of this beautiful girl was, but had two children to her drug dependant, dishonest, good for nothing husband.  When she finally ran away from him, with the help of her equally negligent mother, she found that the only accommodation available was in a solely Muslim area, where the muezzin sounded five times a day, and all the women wore head scarves.  Although it was a difficult readjustment for the eleven year old, she soon found solace in the school which taught her the teachings of the Koran, and she felt drawn to the neighbours who befriended her in times of need.  It was interesting to see how her new found faith gave her the strength to finally teach her mother that there was more to life than being at the bottom of the rubbish heap, and that there was certainly more in store for her head strong daughter.  Although the final scene shows the mother and three children sitting on the floor in their kitchen with all their belongings taken by the husband whom the mother had divorced in the Muslim way of saying, “I divorce you,” three times, it was probably the happiest moment in the family’s life.  The mother had finally come to the realization that she could start a new life without her loser husband, and that the list of failings which her daughter had read out to her (she couldn’t read the list herself) had been true but needn’t be.  She remembered to buy milk for the first time, and they had their first breakfast of cereal together, be it on the floor!  I truly believe in not only in the power of prayer, but also in the strength of religion when good people come together to follow good principles as espoused by doctrine in the Koran, the Bible, the Torah, and the Hindu and Buddhist teachings.  There are many more religions, but it is the mainstream religions I immediately think of.  Often, when people leave gangs in New Zealand, they join a church as they need that sense of immediate family which they had not had in their own childhood.  I have no problem with this so long as the churches do not take advantage of these vulnerable people, and their teachings are truly ones of love and hope.  Too many religions exploit the down and out, which makes a mockery of their so called moral highground!

The focus on love and the family is very important to me, and I have been lucky to have been surrounded by family this weekend. On Saturday morning, after doing the housework, the washing, and making bread and muesli, I looked after one of my grand daughters while her mother, my second oldest daughter, prepared the Harwood Hall on the Otago Peninsula for her 30^th “Hillbilly birthday party.”  The Harwood Hall is typical of many community halls, with a large kitchen, a big log burner in the hall, a pool table and table tennis table, and lots of tables and chairs.  When we arrived mid afternoon, it was all decorated with fairy lights and Chinese lanterns, and was perfect for the hillbillies who descended to have a “shindig,” as a hillbilly would say!  We also looked after our oldest daughter’s three children in the afternoon as Jo and Andy went to a wedding, and arrived at the party dressed in their formal attire.  They called themselves “Auckland hillbillies,” and everyone laughed.  There was a big table laden with food which everyone shared, most people contributing to the feast.  I took the bread which I had kneaded in the morning, and there were lots of different cheeses, pies, dips, savouries, cakes and barbecue food as well which was cooked outside on Colin’s homemade barbecue, made out of an old steel drum.  I didn’t take my camera so I have no photos, but it was an evening that I will never forget.  There were lots of children playing outside in the afternoon, playing hide and seek in the trees, and enjoying the freedom of the place.  There wasn’t a lot of supervision, but no one went missing, which may have been more good luck than good management!

The only sad part of the evening was that our oldest son Scott, and his partner Anna, never arrived as their car broke down and they couldn’t contact anyone.  They ended up returning home, two hillbillies hitching on the side of the road.  I felt so sorry for them when I heard about it today.

We brought our almost three year old grand daughter, Ella, home for the night, and when I didn’t see her overnight back, assumed that she didn’t need nappies.  When she was dry in the morning, I told her how clever she was not to wet her bed, and Nicky was blown away as she has always worn a nappy to bed.  On hearing what a good wee girl she was, Ella commented that she was now grown up, and taller as well!  She speaks English so well, and as a linguist, I am acutely aware of the way people speak.  Ella uses tag questions really well now, and is forever saying sentences like, “it is good, isn’t it?”  Her only slight problem is when she uses the negative, and she will say, “He doesn’t know, doesn’t he?”  However, I model the correct sentence, and she picks it up so naturally.  I love watching children grow, and I am more aware of the growth process with my grandchildren as I do not have the stress of everyday parenting to contend with!!

This morning, Ella and I had a spa together as the rain fell outside.  It was a leisurely morning, although Han took Jan into work at his last shift as a “dishie,” dishwasher, at our daughter’s restaurant in the Octagon called Mash.  Jan graduates from doing the dishes to being a waiter next week, and he is really looking forward to it.  He will run up and down stairs for four hours a day, as Shahan used to do, and this will all add to his fitness.  Jan actually did well in his high school’s sports day, coming first in this high jump, and doing well in the sprints as well, and no one was more surprised than he! 

It was wonderful that my third daughter, Suny, and Nathan could bring down our two grandchildren Indi and Seth yesterday, and it was wonderful to see them at the party.  They also came out for lunch today, and I made “temaki zushi,” which is sushi which you roll in seaweed by yourself at the table.  I love cooking for the family, and we also shared our food with Fiona, a good friend who has the clothing shop called Collectibles, where I buy almost all my clothes and have done for about seventeen years! Fiona will celebrate the twentieth year in her shop in June, and that is a remarkable achievement in a market which is not an easy one.  Selling label second hand goods of the finest quality has been her niche market, and it has worked for her because she is such a wonderful person.  Her positive personality really lifts you as soon as you walk into her shop, and she always has a story to tell.  Her life is an open book, so you share her highs and lows as well. I suppose she is quite like me, and I wonder if that is why we get on so well. I often just pop in for a chat, and leave feeling I have been given a tonic!  How can you not buy from someone like that? I believe that this connection with the customer is the key to success.

Talking of keys to success reminds me of the article which was researched and written by one of our former teachers, and published in a British journal.  It was about managing internal marketing, and Christopher used our school as a model.  He sent me a copy last week, and I would love to use in our marketing as it describes the school so well.  I was quite chuffed when I read it!  I never followed a marketing plan, and never had a business plan, yet reading Christopher’s research, it seems we fit into some of the marketing models quite well! The school started with just two students, and I vividly remember going to visit a school of over 300 students when I was in my first year of operation.  I so envied the owner her comprehensive systems, and wondered if I would ever be able to reach such a standard.  I don’t want to blow my own trumpet, but reading the article made me realise that we have obviously done a few things right along the way.  I have treaded very carefully, and that is another secret to success.  I remember the owner of that big school saying that you should always be cautious, and never become overconfident.  She said that she worried every day, and I found that so hard to believe.  However, as much as I took a leaf out of her book in terms of moderation, I do not think that one should worry every day about whether you have students or not.  You have to have faith, and the power of prayer is awesome.  I know the cynics will laugh, but I truly believe in it!  It all comes down to positive energy in the end.

This afternoon, after we had had a relaxing lunch, we said goodbye to our family as they headed back to Hawea, and we headed down the road to BroadBay to look at some of the original old holiday houses of the wealthy Dunedin aristocracy, built in the early 1900s.  BroadBay was a long way out of Dunedin in those days as the seaside village could only be reached by horse drawn carriages, either on the gravel high road or equally gravel, windy low road.  The houses were beautifully built, with big verandahs and views of the beautiful OtagoHarbour. Some of the houses reminded me of scenes out of Somerset Maugham’s stories.  Have you read any books of his?  There was a real mixture of homes, from houses that were being renovated with modern additions to make living a lot easier, to houses that had been partly renovated but kept the essence of the original house, to full restorations such as the Fletcher house, which was the first wooden house built by the stonemason, James Fletcher who went on to create Fletcher construction, one of New Zealand’s biggest companies.  Walking into this house was like stepping back in time and I loved it! In fact, I loved all the houses!

The weather in Dunedin was as fickle as ever, and as I said, Sunday morning brought heavy rain which pounded the roof over our spa.  However, the sun shone brightly in the afternoon which allowed us to truly enjoy walking leisurely around the historic houses.  We met so many people we knew, but hadn’t seen in ages, and it really was enjoyable.  Wee Ella was so good, even falling asleep on Fiona’s back as she piggy backed her!

It is now time to finish this letter, and I feel I have rambled on for long enough!  As I close my letters, I always think of more to say, but will leave it till next time.  My only problem is that with the passing of time, my memory gets worse and I won’t remember what I wanted to tell you. Is the fading of memory because my memory bank is so chocker with information that no more will enter so it is blocked, or is it just a general degeneration process which occurs over time?  I am not even going to think about it!

Have a great week! Life is short! Break the rules!

Forgive quickly, kiss slowly!

Love truly, laugh uncontrollably!

Never regret anything that made you smile!

Love

Sharron