Letter to Students 09 August 2009

Dear Reader

Writing letters is how I express myself best, so I have written a letter to Vicki to acknowledge the sisterhood we shared.

9^th August, 2009

Dearest Vicki

It is Sunday evening, and it is my weekly ritual to write to my students.  However, it seems appropriate to write to you tonight, and I hope you are able to receive it.  Don’t worry about writing back straight away, as I know you will be very busy getting to know everyone!

The moon shone brightly on Wednesday evening as you lay in Intensive Care with medical science keeping you with us.  At four thirty in the morning, I travelled along the bay road to the hospital to see you, with the full moon lighting my way, tricking me that all was right with the world.  The harbour’s surface seemed stretched with gladwrap, the lights of the city winking at me, teasing me that your twinkling eyes would open on my arrival.  As the darkness lifted, and the harbour revealed its aqua colours, I remembered the blue of your eyes, with the occasional amber dart directed at me, the older sister only in age. 

Soaking up the beauty of the tranquil scene, Bette Midler started singing “Wind beneath my wings,” on the Breeze, a station too middle of the road for you, Vick!  Tears streamed down my face as the words, “it must have been cold in my shadow,” reminded me that indeed you were my little sister who followed three years after me.  I felt instantly angry that one so beautiful, clever, and strong-willed could be robbed of so many happy days through constant pain.  I always said you were the intelligent one, and I admired your love of medicine, and your incredible memory.  As Hamish said the other day, no one ever was left in any doubt that you had been trained as a nurse.  I always thought you could have been a doctor.

Although people saw our physical resemblance as adults, you always played Rose Red and I was Snow White as children.  Dark and Light, opposites, in juxtaposition, but needing to be closer, to say sorry. We both thanked Han for building the bridge of reconciliation on which we hugged, and remained in that embrace till death tore us apart last Thursday. I wish you had given me more time to enjoy those lunches with Robyn and Frances!  You always were in such a rush, (I know I am a great one to talk about rushing!) but that shouldn’t have been extended to death, you bugger!

After years of being told you should give up smoking, you got the last laugh, didn’t you?  You always said that your lungs were one of the only parts of you that would endure, and you were right!  When the organ donation squad rang Melanie to say that they wanted your lungs and liver, we had to laugh at how medically right you were again.  I can hear you laugh, that distinctive, infectious cackle which you could stop as quickly as you began.

When I said my final goodbye to you, I had my arm around Hannah.  I hope you heard me make the sincere promise that I will look after Mel, Hamish and Hannah, wee Ethan, Emily to come, and all the other grandchildren who will carry a part of you in them. 

You have given us all a myriad of memories, Vicki, which are precious to each and every one of us. After years of struggle, your body can now rest in peace, although I believe we will still hear that shuffle as your restless spirit returns to visit us. Give Dad a big hug from me on the 14^th, and know that we will all look after each other here.

What kind of car are you trying out this week? That last granny car wouldn’t have lasted with you long!

Oodles of love

Sharron

PS

I bought chocolate for lunch the last day you were with us. “As you do,” I can hear you say.

When I read these words today in a journal with thoughts from the Tibetan Sogyal Rinpoche, I remembered the quotes you used to write in cards to me.

“My heartfelt advice to those in the depths of grief and despair after losing someone they dearly loved is to pray for help and strength and grace.  Above all, look into your life to find ways of sharing your love more deeply with others now.”  I intend to do just that. Thanks for sharing your love with us.

Love

Sharron