2nd February, 2010

Dear Reader

Flying over the Southern Alps ad seeing the craggy peaks, the folds of ridges, the smattering of clouds, the seemingly random placing of pin tucks of earth to create awesome beauty, reminds me that I am indeed significant in the mighty scheme of things. However, over the past few months, I have been consumed by the seemingly random vagaries which life chose to bestow on me.

As I look down, patchwork quilted paddocks have been sown on plains once barren, and I marvel at the tenacity of mankind, and its ingenuity.  I reflect on all this after having had two gins in the Koru lounge with Jan who kindly took me to the airport, and joined me till my plane left, and two wines on the plane, which remind me of the old days when competing airlines competed for custom by offering good food and wine.  The snacks were more than adequate, and I truly feel on the way to a much needed break. The view from my window is now of cotton wool clouds, whose tufts of wadding have been lightly torn apart to reveal a dark, peaceful, blue sea, indented with jigsaw puzzle cut outs of land.  We must now be crossing Cook Strait, and I have never seen the sea so calm, nor the water so clear. 

One never knows what the future will bring, and when I wrote my last letter on Saturday, I truly believed that I would be teaching for the next two weeks.  However, on reading my letter out in class yesterday, I could feel my chest constrict, and emotions heightened to the point where I needed to retreat to my office to regain my composure. I pride myself on being positive, but that inner strength seemed to drain away from me.  Karina came in, and looked at me seriously with those dark Chilean eyes, which hold both compassion and enormous strength, and said,  “We need to do something,” I agreed, feeling rudderless and diminutive as I bobbed in an ever expansive sea of helplessness.  “You need to get away.”  Words I needed to hear, and having been articulated by one much wiser than I, were understood.  Away where? Dunedin’s weather has just improved and I loved waking up to the birds’ chorus, and the stunning days.  The moon had been so powerful, and the days had been so bright that I thought it important to stay and enjoy.  However, the weather was not enough to hold me at this time.  I needed to find a place from which to reflect, unencumbered.  Friends in Auckland had always said to come, but I never want to impose.  However, I dialled the number, and my dear Bulgarian friend, whom I taught when she first arrived in Dunedin, answered the phone, and the years peeled away as I felt her love. It is to her home I am not heading, and it is to Mission Bay that I will stay for this coming week. I have been encouraged to visit Waiheke Island, where I have never been, and I may stay over for a night.  Money is a little tight, but The Secret says that all will be right with the power of positive energy. I think I lost my way a little, but I am determined to find my way back again.

What I have learnt from the past week is that you reap what you sow.  I truly love the people with whom I work, and today, as with many other days, they showed how much they loved me.  They allowed me to get away on this much needed trip, telling me to read, to write my thoughts, to explore not only Waiheke but Davenport, to just relax.  They have taken over the helm as a collective, and I know that all will be well.  Two students enrolled as I was leaving, and I am so blessed with the most amazing team in the world.  Our school is the best because of the best people in it.  Students hugged me as I left, and I realised on leaving that I would not see one of our long term students leave on Friday. I went in to give him a hug, and although a very traditional Saudi, he returned my hug. He then continued to give a speech, which blew me away. He talked of first coming to New Zealand; the long, arduous plane trip which was endured, but only just.  The tears had fallen, and he arrived exhausted and desperately missing his family.  He said that my smile on arrival was what he most needed.  He said he was angry, and upset when he began to study but he didn’t know why.  He confessed to being arrogant, and we all saw this side of his personality in those early days, but watched him grow as he understood the lessons given with each new experience.  He talked about how his year with us had truly changed him from a conservative, judgemental person into a more open, accepting member of our society. He thanked our school for having done this.  It was one of the most touching speeches I have ever heard, and his awareness at having known how far he had come, made my heart swell with pride.  He will now go on to Canterbury University and I know he will do well.  He needed the holistic teaching, which our school provides, to allow him to truly grow and be part of this society in which we live.  I felt so incredibly proud, and left the building feeling that I had made a difference through the incredible work of all who work with me.  He credited a lot of who he now is to me, but although it was a speech to me, and I know it was directed at the whole team.  I know that I could never have done what we have done without the amazing family behind me.  I certainly don’t take anyone in our school family for granted.  I know I could never leave this school.

I will close here and continue my letter from Auckland. I hope you have a fabulous week, and I look forward to returning to school next Wednesday.

Love

Sharron